Final Four, Elite Eight, Sweet Sixteen...how come the second round doesn't have an alliterated nickname?

When Jason Patric tells me that he knows why I fly, it sounds like a threat.

KENTUCKY FRIED BUZZER-BEATER!!!

#24 on Drake looks like a villain in a "Savage" Steve Holland movie. (Yes, that reference comes two comments after I made a "Stone Cold" Steve Austin joke—sue me.)

Who'd have thought that a game featuring a team from the Hidden Valley Ranch Conference would turn out to be such a barn burner?

If Adam Morrison, who appears to be the Undertaker, jinxed Gonzaga, Davidson must have had "Stone Cold" Steve Austin on their side.

I was previously unaware that the Western Kentucky mascot was Grimace's communist cousin.

Vince Gill is a witch.

The early days of online fantasy sports where hard times, indeed. I remember the year I mixed up my baseball roster with my ongoing game of "Oregon Trail" and lost half of my pitchers to cholera.

Arbitrarily-selected long shots are the key to bracket victory.

If someone did impressions of me to sell anything less than the one true TiVo, I'd sue, too.

As of this posting, there are 210 people who voted in this poll that I never want to meet in any location.

Eli got to leave the store with whatever clothes he was able to make stick to the side of David Tyree's head.

How spectacularly inconvenient.

"The Lakers are a professional basketball team based in Los Angeles. That's just my two cents."

You won't see any anal fissures inside the Fukudome.

If Person 'A' (or Persons 'A', 'C', 'D' and 'E') beats up Person 'B', that means that Person 'A's favorite sports team is superior to Person 'B's favorite sports team. It's science.

If either one of those girls can play shortstop, it's an arrest well-spent.

"400 new upper-deck seats down the left-field line at Fenway Park?" Sweet Lorraine. Fenway's going to be taller than the Prudential Building within the next 30 years.

Get people whose opinions of you aren't entirely complimentary kicked off the internet! I sure wish I'd thought of that a few weeks ago...