Yeah, there is a reason that the only people I follow on twitter are authors and professional wrestlers.

This is a great point. As a modern male, I live every moment of my life in constant terror of being drafted. This is a legitimate worry we men have!

She must shit like a Greek God.

As the spiritual leader of my generation once said, "I can do that, I just don't want to".

Didn't the old manual for the HP/Agilent 856XX spec ans tell you guys how to do this?

Women are imaginary, like unicorns and bridges.

15. Just put a down payment on a house and buy a couple of cats instead!

This is why I got a job fixing robots.

Shit, I suck at these magic eye posters. What do I have to do to see the person in the curtain, and is this one of those "Shit Bricks When You See It" things?

Final Fantasy 10 was the worst minigame slapped into the main game I have ever seen. How many stupid fucking fights did I have to do to get to the blitzball league? THEN you are forced to keep playing the minigame to unlock new players and moves for your team. Total bullshit. Wish I could get an edition with all…

Clearly it was crashed into the head of a fell god from beyond the ken of man that was rising from his eternal slumber. They sacrificed themselves so that the world would be saved from all consuming madness.

I think my talent for creative and extemporaneous lying comes from the fact that, unlike people who cannot lie, I prefer small, tight asses.

The preload for this on my PC was 50 goddam gigs. I remember a day when that amount of data for anything would have made me kill the person telling me about it because they are a technomancer bent on world domination.

When the hell did men start wearing underwear? I missed that meeting.

As a man, I call the men version of feminism feMANism. I think it gets the really important points across.

Finding out that a woman reads Cosmopolitan is reason enough on its own to dump her.

I don't waste it, the dogs love everything they get!

A hyperbolic joke.

I do as well, but that is because I am the only man who HATES receiving oral sex.

Changing them TO CODE can be a chore. Especially with the new grade wires and loads required and the GFCI circuitry making all that stuff more complicated than it needs to be.