Goop sex is where, after finishing, you take the bodily fluids that result, smear them on your taint and drag it across the floor a la butt scoot so you leave a trail like a snail.

Best sports show ever. The minute these guys go off air is the minute that ESPN loses all credibility (whatever tiny, tiny bit they have left)

A mouth guard might be too late at this point. Dragic should just focus his efforts on making himself look as normal as possible in his surroundings, and invest in some Picasso paintings.

When I was in Iraq, one of the Civil Affairs officers had gotten her commission from Penn State’s ROTC program. She demanded her Humvee driver get a huge-ass Penn State nittany lion mascot stenciled on the side of her door. None of the other trucks had anything like this, so I presume the local insurgents thought it…

“Who said you can’t achieve sainthood while looking the other way when kids are being molested?”

Will this finally stop people from asking for that fucking statue back?

Will this finally stop people from asking for that fucking statue back? Let’s just melt it down, closest replication to where he is if there’s any thing as justice.

If it weren’t for Forza, maybe he would have learned not to drive so damned fast in the rain.

Drunky McCellBitch

Memo to the judge: One year (minimum) inpatient rehab. And none of that fancy spa-like stuff. Every media outlet already has Johnny Fuckup’s obituary polished & ready to go.

His behind-the-ears tattoo signifies that he’s killed a career.

Well he certainly didn’t turn himself into a NFL QB.

Affluenza.

The internet was never better than when Bubb Rubb and Lil’ Sis drove off down the road, swerved across all lanes and ran a stop sign... on the news. #PeopleAreAwesome

I take melatonin all the time. Insomniac. It helps me sleep and stay asleep. Without it I toss and turn all night. It also does cause vivid dreams, especially when you first start taking it. Once you are used to it, it doesn’t do that anymore, unless you up your dose. I am usually taking 10 to 15mg per night. Less and…

Me too! How many assholes we got on this blog?

I AM, in fact, an irritable dad with a law degree, Samer. How did you DO that?

This...

20 years later it probably still smells like weed and menthols.

Sometimes boring isn’t a bad thing. Boring news means nothing horrific has happened where they live. If I had my way, then news would always be boring. It would mean the world is becoming a better place.