Has anyone called you a douche yet? Douche.

Old man's pants are not too high. This is too high.

Alternatively, there are also those who use Facebook to complain about every single thing regardless of whenever it's true or not. One of my aunts is basically such a massive drama queen on Facebook and is always complaining about how her life is basically shit and how unloved and unappreciated she feels, etc. This…

This is true, but only when I'm really high.

Nearly any burger chain blows In N Out out of the water.

Whataburger trumps all of these jabroni joints.

100% fart face.

So, apparently she needs me to question the reason for her fame in order to spur her on to victory. Michelle, I will gladly be your professional hater, just get in touch with me.

there's a lot of rich people here where I live and seeing lambos, ferraris, bentleys isn't uncommon. Once a guy in a Ferrari was riding my ass for a couple minutes before he finally blew by me (I was doing 80) on I75. He cuts me off and gives me the finger. 10 minutes or so later I see him on the side of the road…

I was once on an escalator going down to a DC Metro station when some guy slid by me and a pack of people on the hand rail, and said "Out of the way bitches" as he passed. When I got to the bottom of the escalator the dude had his shin bone poking out of his leg. That was satisfying.

I read your comment in Morgan Freeman's voice.

I never comment, but had to share this story.

Next week in Deadspin: In Defense of Bud Light.

To bad he didn't have anything to avoid this. LIKE A GLOVE.

I used to live in Lafayette. My parents were visiting me once when Dad's alma mater was playing the Ragin Cajuns in men's basketball. Dad hadn't seen his team play in person since he'd graduated in 1950. We were the only people in the Cajundome cheering (politely) for Dad's school, who happened to be stomping the…

I mean at least take the MegaBus.

I'm going to go find a neighborhood in Lafayette where I would buy a house, raise a family, and would be a nice place to live.

So very wrong! He obviously hasn't been to Shreveport.

you lost me at unarguable point, too.