I mean I am a white person and I am like WTF.

I think you missed the real conspiracy theory, that Belichik traded Garoppolo to Brady’s childhood team out of spite to Brady. One last twist of the knife making Brady watch as Garoppolo goes on to great success with the team he grew up watching and likely always wanted to play for?

I think they just photographed her wax figure instead.

I taught my toddler grandson to call those “night cheese”. Now when he spends the night, before he goes to bed, he runs to the fridge and grabs the red cheese and sings the night cheese song.

*looks up from unzipping fourth round of cheese from its little red wax coat*

I just want one goddamn month without us pissing off the world because of a presidential tweet sent from the crapper. I don’t care.

Me, too!

At this point I’d say we’ve hit Rocky Bottom.

Two typo’s, huh?

Exactly. He’s awful but not actively unhinged. That’s sadly the best we can hope for until 2020.

Don’t. Nobody likes Pence except the evangelicals, and he has no backing from the deplorable. He’ll be a pale shadow of Trump, and also heavily implicated.

“Just remember: President Mike Pence”

Damn Millennials. Why the Greatest Generation would have shown up to work still drunk. Sure Tim down the line would lose a finger because of a mistake made further up, but that’s just what happens when real men are real men...

This is Pepper. She’s a good dog. Except for the sitting on the dining room table, looking out the window when we’re not home.

My dog Titus with his George Burns impersonation

I remember when she was the dumbest politician I’d ever seen.

Nuts in cranberry sauce? LEAVE NOW.

I love Rashida. I bet Pixar was overwhelmed with relief when they started reading, but then she hit them with that last sentence like:

If “everyday” blue collar voters voted for the village idiot not because of racism but for economic plans mostly consisting of:

What if your nephew was like, “I’m not sure I’m even gonna vote. These people are both bad” on election day. But then the day after the election he wrote a blog on deadspin about how we’re all fucked because Trump won? What should I say to this specific type of shithead nephew?