My cats climb on my face and get their feet in my mouth, I am so over getting upset over trivial like feet in my water. Try having one position himself to fart in your face and leave.

I know people that are scared shitless of catching Ebola. They live in one of the 48 states where nobody contacted that disease and they are proud and defiant about not getting a flu shot. Even if you do the Ebola math with them they are still ascared of it. Ebola math is How many people do you know with Ebola? 0…

Don't care. Just because it happened a long time ago, doesn't make it okay.

It is bad enough when the names of adults that have been raped are published, but to do this to a child? I don't have the words.

Do you want to let every single freaking person touch you? If the kid doesn't want to be hugged and kissed why should she be forced too? If she doesn't want to high five somebody why should she? Reread the article the little girl hugs people she wants to hug.

If I didn't know he was a serial killer, I would be on him like butter. I know he is a serial killer so NFW,no,nein, na uh, and get out of my way, I gotta get outta here before he sees me.

It was a dark and snowy night and I was walking home and I saw a woman giving a blow job to a man. I didn't call the police because 1. late at night 2.snowy 3. by the time the cops got there they would have been all done, and maybe gone. Boy that is some fast response time by the cops.

Suicidal, if I been on the judging panel, you would have won.

Pregnant flapper? Or vampire flapper? At least it wasn't zombie flapper.

The worst costume. the very worst, was when Men in Black was hot. All the little boys dressed in black suits. It was like the charge of the young Republicans

She's spending it on botox, third rate hairdressers and nail polish. A hefty bit she saves in case her fans wise up or the Tea Party goes belly up.

Nikki Reed that kitten needs to be named Firkin. He/she looks like it'll be 25 pds of cat in a 5 pound body.

Jude Law, forget about put a ring on it and put a condom on it, each and every time.

Ah the cure for yuckies/wanting to knock somebody in the head with a hammer/desire for a Silkwood shower after reading about John Grisham and his child porn loving friend.

Small penises are one thing but a micro-mini penis is not worth it

But really means "everything I said before is a lie."

One time I slugged a guy and considered that "Good-bye ass rat". I was leaving for Cape Cod for a weeks vacation with my girlfriend, and after three hours sleep we left I cried and told her what happened then fell asleep. My knuckles were all swollen and a bit bloody from punching the fellow in the face, for about…

What movie is that from? I do believe I want to watch it.

You and me both.

I have no idea what a shawarma is but, judging by the picture they are something I would love.