the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

There’s another supposed reason for Akechi Mitsuhide’s betrayal of Oda Nobunaga: the assassination of Mitsuhide’s mother.

MEL BROOKS IS JEWISH?!?

He left out (I’m paraphrasing a statement Trump made years ago at his failed casinos) “the little guys with yarmulkes counting his money.”

Watch every gain we’ve made as a country, including in HIV education and prevention, reversed in the next four to eight years.

Oh great, we get to rely on Chaffetz - the Shkreli of Congress - to lead the charge to conduct an investigation and potential punishment.

Stand your uterus ? Sounds about right.

“a story of forbidden love in Nazi Germany.”

so-called Netflix cheating

Not skipping ahead should be part of today’s modern wedding vows. It’s sanctimony now.

Joe Paterno’s son is already denying he knew anything about this.

I’m trying to think of a strategic reason for her not to file a response, but I can’t think of one. I’m a lawyer in NY, but forgot everything I ever knew about family law and litigation at 5 pm on the last day of the bar exam, so perhaps there is a reason I’m unaware of.

Hide your kids, hide your penis...

You know how those penises are prone to shooting whenever they feel like it. Even when they intruding on someone else’s property. I say shoot first, ask questions later.

Uh, they’re your neighbors... They probably know your name and hopefully have figured out that you live next door—you know, since you’re neighbors. And you should be talking to them first anyway. The real world isn’t like the internet. There needs to be some accountability when people complain so it’s taken seriously.