get out

Possibly my most favorite part about this whole dumb thing is that if you go on the brewery tour at Anheuser-Busch, they will call attention, at one point, to an antique chandelier they have hanging in one part of their facility.

If you're giving prizes for best turns of phrase in BCO (consider it!), I nominate "Jesus freak dog fuckers" and "unsdisputed King of the Dickwalruses" from this week's batch.

How dare you imply that Jeremy Renner would ever move to Phoenix.

I knew a guy who was a lot like Jeremy Renner. Made tons of inappropriate jokes and was always desperately asserting his heterosexuality. He is happily living with his husband in Phoenix now.

At last, evidence that you should always bring Spears to a knife fight.

"And here is our garden."

Just to touch on the subject of "men don't understand rape"... I've been thinking lately that they really don't, on a physical level.

...hostility to women, meaning, the researchers say, "resentment, bitterness, rejection sensitivity, and paranoia about women's motives."

"Oh! Well! Looks like you found those bread rolls after all. Wasn't that hard, was it?" I then took a skewer out of one of the pieces of tempura, and plunged it finger deep into her eyeball.

I definitely once had a store manager kick a customer out for making me cry... on my first day... because I screwed up a fucking coupon. The customer was all "I come in here all the day blah blah blah" and my manager was straight up "No you do not come in here all the time. I do not know you. Get out of my store and…

A couple months ago, one of my employees was getting shit-talked by a customer and it was fantastic not only to tell him to get fucked, essentially, but also to watch her face as she realized that, not only was I not throwing her under the bus, but I was also defending her. She went from being one of my worst…

After years of dealing with these kinds of assholes with no authority to do anything about them, I cannot explain the good feels that came with actually being a manager, and getting to tell a customer for the first time to get fucked. I dreamed for years of 86ing the biggest assholes, so the first time I did it, it…

I was serving a grandfather and his teenage grandson. The kid asked for a bowl of chili, at which point I explained that we were out of chili, apologized (why we as servers have to do this, I don't know, but we do) and told him the other soups we had available. The kid said, "But I wanted the chili." Ok, well,…

"Why would someone pick up a phone and dial all those numbers when you could just hop on your horse and trot over to their house to tell them what you want to tell them?" —You, 100 years ago.

If you're more concerned about the medium than the message you are a dinosaur. He spoke where people listen. Your elitism is out of style.

Are you serious? I'm disappointed in YOU for not knowing who Q-Tip is.

1. Too many Azalea/Azaleias. Old person brain cannot compute.

I mean ... Seriously. A side eye that swings into a full-on roll.

Side eye. I give it to you.