The Mayor of Saint Louie is Greggggggg Easterbrook? Go on...

This will be so appreciated by both motor cycle gangs and West Side NYC dwellers who like to run them over.

you had me until this.

c'mon, champagne and "WILDCARD CHAMPIONS" festooning? Is this little league? Great, you won a really big game, I get it, but can you not pretend it's the World Series just yet? Not trying to kill the joy in a win, but still, this strikes me as incredibly forced.

"He was just not meant to be airborne"

They found dildo #23 in that teacher's house, along with lots of tools, too.

That's some serious dedication to lameness, Brandt. Well done.

I had no idea who Dennis Allen was in the first place. Thought he was some special teams coach or something. More irrelevant: My interest in the Raiders or the Raiders in general?

that's some quality problem solving, sir. Well done.

Can almost hear my wife complaining that she's cold and why can't I put the door panels on already? Sorry hun, I'm too busy being all awesome-like.

If the panel isn't real, is domestic violence real

This is where the playoffs backed into the A's, evidently

I'll submit that that hashtag, #JZIMM, is just the most awful, unfortunate choice. Unless, of course, that was the guy's actual reaction.

By reviewing all of this work, I guess the causation of ED is gray stubble. I will continue to shave daily.

"I caught crabs"

Oh the size of it... it's massive. Call the metaphor police.

aw shit, I have thousands of acres to drive through, yet I'm the dipshit who got my truck stuck in the only spot of mud in miles. I'm an idiot.

How can you miss the "woody" reference here? Seriously, how? SHE'S DRIVING A GOTDAM WOODY!!!

Congrats, Pirates. You're completely doing it right. Screw the dour writers who are on deadline and party. You've earned it. Let those writers pound their chests about excess celebrations and worry "what does this tell the kids" crap.

DOORHANDLES OUT, DAMMIT