Please call me to schedule an interview at [redacted]. Thanks! - Molly

He also hasn't eaten any of the low-hanging fruit, I'd wager.

By that logic, Bison Dele's fishing trip went swimmingly too.

Such a very long list, but let us not forget Ritchie Valens. Not only Buddy Holly's music died in that plane crash.

Not surprising. The Irish have been fraudulently attending bowl games for years.

After the game, the two Irishmen met up with a bunch of Patriots fans, who took them back to Boston and gave them jobs, wives, and genital warts.

Hey, we're talking about AMERICAN humans, here, not the lesser humans of foreign lands.*

LUND: But what about all the field work I did?

I'm with you in theory, but seeing how the 1993 Campbell Conference Finals didn't stroke out the entire Toronto media, I don't think it'll work.

If we have a Tortilla chip/Dorito final, I'll move to Kurdistan.

I, for one, hope this asshole feels the full brunt of the league's disciplinary process and gets himself suspended for like two weeks.

"There is surveillance video showing the attendant taking the footballs from the official's locker room into another room at Gillette Stadium before bringing them out to the field, sources tell FOX Sports."

When it snows like this, Hernandez most misses going for slay rides.

Now that his season is over, here's Andrew Luck's view.

Police are continuing to investigate the kidnapping claim, and have released a forensic sketch based on Allenby's description:

So Lowery slapped him! He just reached back and full-on slapped a 20-year-old ball boy!

I think Belichick should be strapped to a chair with his eyelids peeled back and forced to watch Peter King bathe naked in a hot tub of takes while every columnist listed above gives him rusty trombones in turn.

But not leaving anything to chance, Johnson made sure the balls were scuffed and ready well before the Dixie Chicks sang the national anthem.

both of the "motherfuckers" quoted above are actually "y'alls."