In response, God issued the following statement:

If I learned anything from 25 years of America's Funniest Home Videos, it's that the only time it's acceptable to hit the pitcher with a comebacker is if you're five and squaring them up in the nuts.

Pictured: Wolves throw in towel; trade Kevin Love for pick.

Lubricate your joints.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute— a televised weight-loss boot camp? I was under the impression that this was Marinelli's charity golf tournament."

[reaches for low hanging fruit]
[loses balance]
[falls to bottom of comment thread]
[is mercilessly mauled by burners accounts arguing the merits of the 1996 Detroit Lions while somehow managing to include various ethnic slurs & threats of unimaginable violence]
[dies]
[is better off]

Bacon needs to just disappear for awhile. It's so played out in gimmicky foods, it's been in/on/around shit that it has no business being within 100 feet of, and I feel like most restaurants now just use bacon-scented, colored strips of rubber instead of something even subpar. Just make SOMETHING, anything else the…

Kyle, thank you for writing this. When I read Dan Steinberg this morning I thought I was going to die of angry.

LaRussa: Oh, come on! Who cares if it was 95 miles per hour?! It was placed in a safe spot.

It's even more gross and untoward once you realize how little money is actually guaranteed.

This just goes to show how misguided all of the stereotypes about Alabamans are. Just look at all that effort, the utter determination, all for the once yearly opportunity to watch someone write.

Here's the short summary of it: "There's $3 million in cash buried in your neighbor's back yard. Get a shovel and head over there right now. You'll be set for life."

Silliness night.

We encourage you to expand upon this research and get licking.

Rice is a pilaf shit.

After yesterday's massacre of "Saved by the Bell", it's nice to see something useful come from the 1990s.

To be fair, the student in question is Brandon Weeden.

Pictured (L to R): Hair club for men membership.

No kidding, Michelle. I can't watch First Take without getting the urge to slap myself either.

I don't mean for this to come off as pretentious, but you sound like a jealous asshole who just hasn't enjoyed the purest form of the taco. Everything you have ever eaten in your life has essentially been garbage. Everything. Once again, I'm not trying to sound like a jerk, but "taco meat" is NOT just the protein we…