I’d love for this to completely devolve into the Roman orgy that is Vegas: topless showgirls dancing on a platform hanging over the ice between periods, $3.99 all-you-can-eat shrimp buffets every 30 feet along the entire concourse, an ATM planted in the armrest of every single seat.

See, there are things rednecks and rich assholes can enjoy together.

He believed it was important to bring up his own struggles in life in order to connect with the campers and make sure that his message resonated with them. As he told them, “If you can’t take criticism get people to cover up your sexual assault, you shouldn’t be playing football.”

On Monday’s premiere, the takes weren’t hot.

Proving why he’s a legend in the game.

This rambling, bewildering post is easily my favorite piece about the 2016 playoffs. Please keep in mind that my favorite book is Mason&Dixon, and my favorite movie is the director’s cut of Nightbreed and last night I ran several miles on the treadmill listening to Red Krayola’s first album so uh, you may not exactly…

Kurt Vonnegut: [nodding]

Well, duh. Where there are balls, there’s usually an asshole nearby.

* is the key on a keyboard that most resembles an asshole.

These scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should

I always thought it was the guy who cheap-shotted other dudes in the nuts who was the bitch.

So Ben Roethlisberger didn’t explicitly say no, and Donald Trump took that as a yes? Interesting…

A racist, a cheater, a misogynist, and a douchebag walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, Mr. Trump, we’re closed.”

Shit is literally getting out of hand

To be fair, while his running story is utter and complete bullshit, to drive an RV cross country at only 9mph is an impressive feat in itself.

This seems like a lot of work just to be able to put a 26.2 sticker on his car.

I’m not volunteering to actually run but I may be able to drive very slowly while high behind an RV for a nominal fee.

This wouldn’t even be news if this wasn’t newsworthy!