That is basically my dream life. Hell, it’s the American Dream!

Are we just going to dance around the fact that this looks like a creepy-ass 1980's animatronic face? That’s a lot of money to spend just to prove you have terrible taste.

PROGRESS!

Well, she’s already got a foot up on the competition.

Thanks. Now Kevin Cronin’s mullet is going to haunt my nightmares.

Japanese apologies: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

If the ghouls of Reddit are to be believed, those are student managers - who presumably are running to locker rooms to exorcise the ghost of Dean Smith. He’d leave, but he can’t remember where he parked his car.

So drinking, then?

The good news is that it involves UFC, so literally nobody (save for Wylie himself) gives a flying fuck anyway.

I don’t even really care that much about the NFL, but I love dumpster fires, and this is going to be a dumpster volcano. Can’t wait!

Ahh, how the phrase “hand-built automotive quality” changes when you add “British” in front of it...

“... we don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn...”

I’ve found your new phone wallpaper:

I enjoy watching him play, but I can tell you second-hand from people who dealt with him when he was in high school here in Atlanta: he’s always been an incredibly arrogant douchebag.

He looks like Joaquin Phoenix being “in-character”.

Well he probably won’t be leaving on a wagon...

+12 steps

“Thanks for asking.” - Marshawn Lynch

The warm, moist, slightly pungent hand of victory.

You can take the man out of Texas, but... well, you know.