Actually, wouldn’t the packs of powdered orange “cheese” that comes in Kraft Mac and Cheese be the Pornhub of cheese? Premium would just be the white version.

I had a buddy that bought an old cosmic pizza to turn into a haunted house (permanent business, not just a one time thing) and while cleaning the place out he picked up some random crate and a shit ton of knives fell out the gaps, one of which stabbed him right in the foot. Pizza knives hunger for human blood I guess.

Hmm, I dunno, “Jezebel commenter” Ken Yadiggit

I remember taking my art class back in college. Here I am using paints at home to complete a project. Coming back from using the bathroom, I see the cat at my paints putting her feet in them. First thought was, “Oh, shit. She has that caught look in her eye, which means she is going to run.” Sure enough, paw prints…

I guess Russia never heard about THE FIRST AMENDMENT!!

Just gonna leave this here, ‘cause it’s just an awesome scene.

This is why the German word ‘Backpfeifengesicht’ exists. The English language needs to catch up.

nasty Caramel Golem

your cat sounds fucking incredible tbh

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

At least it wasn’t

“Go fuck yourself.”—everyone who’s ever listened to fp santangelo, to fp santangelo

For those who want to make some dumb point about the area needing low-cost options and Bell is just complaining about not seeing some upscale place, it’s worth noting that there’s a Subway less than five minutes’ walk from the new planned location, just over the border into Columbia Heights.

One day I would like to have a ceremony to celebrate my gay white self’s betrothal to a black man. We went to the City Clerk’s Office in NYC early on a Thursday morning and then both went to work. So we eloped, kind of. I wonder if Rachel Dolezal, aside from her painting and Africana Studies and NAACP duties and…

My inner goddess had been blissfully untouched by these shades of Grey until now, and as the thumb of bad prose penetrated my brain, and rotated around and around, I gasped “please, stop!,” and “how can your thumb rotate around so much? are you double-jointed?” but the black and white text stared me in the face,…

As cool as this game is, I have a hard time believing people in white clothes can exist in white prison cells. If I were ever in one, the first time I would soil myself would be an opportunity for me to create a not so eloquent message to my captors on the walls.

produced from 1928-1937

“ Im not racist! I threaten to lynch all kinds of people! Asians, Mexicans, Jews, Muslims, non-white atheists, Catholics, Gays, Lesbians, those Transylvanias what dress like women, and sometimes regular women if they don’t appreciate me for my winnin’ personality. See?! All kinds of people!”