But I can't - because you're always walking around with your damn earbuds in ("Don't talk to me!")

i hope some bee-jones baby marries an arnette-poehler baby and make the funniest person of all time.

Read that as "Stephen Colbert shot himself" and almost had a heart attack.

And I'm tired of rich people (minority) running this country too.

To be fair, I think all humans only need grilled cheese and sex. Maybe chocolate too but that's about it.

Fuck that. She's awesome. What I hate most is that this story doesn't surprise me.

I apologize for the length of this, but you kinda need it to understand how insane this all was.

I wish I knew more about her, but I'm sure everything I could find out would be tragic. I was nice to her, but she wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't talk to anyone. I think she was from some creepy religious family and when she was came back for her stuff, it was because she was going to be homeschooled. I think it…

My water broke on a Friday. My son was born on Tuesday.

I had a high leak, and wasn't sure if I had just been peeing myself uncontrollably, a little bit at a time. I called my midwives (yep. I saw the business of being born. I wanted my water birth! IT WOULD BE MAGIC!!!!) They did the litmus test thingy. YEP! Baby…

My story is titled Accidental Lentil - the time I had balls. It's important to note that (a) I'm in a province of Canada where midwifery is a program taught by the school of medicine and covered by healthcare such that if you have a low risk pregnancy, (if you can find one!) a midwife can be your primary care…

NO. I completely disagree. I think it's great that women share the stories of the things that weren't peachy keen hearts and flowers. Because if only the "good" and "happy" stories are shared, and that's all that a woman hears, then when the shit hits the fan she's scared to death and then there's all the bullshit…

So some back story. I was living on a ship with my husband, who was one of the crew in the engine room, and while I hadn't planned to get pregnant so quickly after the marriage, we were pretty thrilled. I was due in a week or two and we were discussing baby names, so it was a pretty normal morning. I'd had a…

I'm sure this is gonna be buried in the greys, but here it goes anyway:

I was 42 weeks pregnant and my Dr. decided to induce. He started Pitocin on Thursday morning at 7 a.m. and cranked it up. I had the baby after 5 p.m., *Friday*, and when I did have him, they decided to use forceps on him to get him through the symphysis pubis. The Dr. could not get him out by forceps, so they put some…

It wasn't the childbirth that was so bad, it was the asshole anesthesiologists who caused me to turn into a raging, screaming, swearing chimera.

As a 30 year old mother of a soon to be 14 year old I am happy to finally admit to myself that I am hanging my uterus up to dry. After my first and only pregnancy, I have been terrified of ever being pregnant again. For starters, I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix (thanks doctor dude for making a weak cervix…

I'm sorry if this doesn't count because it's my mom's story of birthing me, but basically, my head was too big for my mama to push out so they had to use a goddamn vacuum. My head is still notoriously big as an adult. NO HATS FIT ME AND I THINK THE VACUUM MADE IT WORSE

mr. foxington brownworthy iii, jarl of dogsboro, came from a hoarder. for the first four months we had him, he was nearly catatonic anytime someone was around. he would not go anywhere on a leash, he would not leave his crate when you were awake but rather waited til we went to bed to find his food bowl, and so on.…

I work with people with developmental disabilities and consequently have a lot of poop stories. Here's one of my better and less disgusting ones:

The best poop stories come from our HR people at work. We have had several poop artists at our company— they leave little presents in the hallways, or just completely defile a bathroom. I just got a call about one a couple days ago— they were finding little trails of tiny escaped poops, and then just a totally f'd up…