I'm almost impressed at this point. Like I keep thinking "They can't get any more cluelessly douchy than this", but I swear, they just keep managing to sink lower.

Because nothing meant more to the worldwide student protest movements of the late 60s than helping fuel the flames of market capitalism.

ETA: And I mean that on top of the requisite "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" that such a dumb move demands.

"Hunt masters." Hunt masters. Hunt masters. Are we living in the 16th fucking century all of a sudden?

The staff singing Circle Of Life was a tip-off.

ASLAN?

Canadians, however, are all about poop. Farts, too. (I'm American.)

At first I read this as that your poops were super white, thin and wispy. That seemed enough of a story right there.

I only enjoy the poop stories of others. I myself do not actually poop.

Dog poop counts, yes?

That's odd, I could swear I was born and raised in the US... and yet I share your distaste of discussing bowel movements.

Guys in the locker room called my uncircumcised friend 'Eggroll'.

Even more awesome if you go into debt from the medical bills and need government assistance. Then you're an irresponsible slut who wants the government to foot the bills you should've been planning for since your first period.

I'm so confused. Does he know that apparent has two meanings?

I always find Jennifer Aniston cheating rumours really interesting. I mean, even if he did cheat and didn't get caught, would she out him? Or would she stay with him? Or if he did get caught would she ruin his career, cheating on America's Sweetheart wouldn't be a great career move would it?

"...it simply isn't necessary to abort a child because he or she is sick or has a medical condition."

If a woman doctor performs an abortion on a woman, then can we ever be truly sure it happened?

Yep, admitting to having two abortions in a red state is totally known to be a winning campaign strategy. That bitch!

Alternate theory: Taylor Swift is gay and didn't like the way Katy Perry trivialized her sexual preference.

I've created a helpful chart for Walter.

"Anything crunchy I am allergic to."