Ha, he would never try to buy me a bra... he knows how much of a problem I have with finding ones that fit right.

Ryan Gosling is still in love with Rachel McAdams.

When my kid asks me where babies come from, I'm just going to say "When a man and a woman love each other very much, the woman puts her hand on her stomach. Then a stranger takes a picture and publishes it. That's how a woman gets pregnant."

I'm just upset because I seem to be "ducking" all the time.

"not that I'd risk offending her by asking" — I'll just write it into my story, passive aggressively.

"suck thy flesh, zoo" is HILARIOUS. I'm going to start texting my friends that.

i drunkenly ended an AIM conversation completely nonsensically once and it was so incomprehensible that it was my friends AIM away status for years. this story is less good because i cant remember the exact quote, but it was like 'i'm frglibing goodnite'. to this day, i have NO idea what i was trying to say.

Is that what that movie about Matt Damon buying the zoo was really about?

zoo.

Phillip strikes me as someone who refuses to learn character names, so even in season 4 he's referring to them as "The Dragon Lady" and "The One Who Got His Dick Cut Off".

I've heard of a few cases where women do (small wrists). Some idiot I knew was busted for DUI, and she slipped out of the cuffs and stuck her finger up her nose in front of the cop's face. Didn't go well.

Were threesomes always this dangerous or is this an emerging trend?

i was gonna let them take me away, but then i got high .

Long time ago in Nepal I ate a huge bag of pot. Also soaked it into my tea and drank it then ate it. Kinda tasty. (don't judge me!)

i love that the reply just seems to be *sigh* can you just not tho?

100%. I am a traditional girl, can count my sexual partners on one hand, and I am in my early 30s. I am quite happy this way.

ALL BEARDS ALL THE TIME

Which is why I abandoned my husband of less than 48 hours and went looking for pussy.