Normally I'm against celebrity couple portmanteau names, but why aren't we calling Mila and Ashton KuKu?

I can't keep it inside anymore. Stop it. Stop it with this fucking song.

Vodka's gross. (Not as gross as a Jager Bomb, obviously.) Team Gin.

My husband had a hamster that he named after his mother. She ate her own babies. Monsieur is still haunted by the sound.

Where's the video? I want video. Then it will be raining on my face.

"Porno-clowns" is an apt description and a very terrifying concept.

1945 male tears.

This list manages to contradict itself and be redundant.

Nationwide ain't on your side.

Jesus, thank you. This shit is all over Pinterest, and all the 'After' photos make these women look like porno-clowns. Put. the. Fucking. Bronzer. Down.

It's a goddamn crime that it's even close. Long Island Ice Tea? Are the voters all under 23 years old or something?

If they didn't take original Four Loko off the market my first child would be named Four Loko because it was made of pure love - if that pure love was made from the sweat of meth cooks having a quickie in San Bernadino. Sigh.

My pacific northwest beer snobbery is flaring up - Blue Moon v Mike's Hard Lemonade? It's like I'm looking into the fridge of an awful house party and wishing I brought a flask.

Vodka tampons seem like the worst possible idea. That's the part of my body that makes the worst decisions while drunk; I don't want to be an enabler.

I feel like any woman who has endured pumping will agree: a mere earthquake will not stop you from your task if it means you risk spilling a DROP of that liquid gold. You work HARD for that shit. Natural disasters aren't going to take that from you if you can help it!

[redacted, I misread the article]

In high school, I was informed that I was chair of the IBTC, so you should promptly remove that from your resume.

I was also given detention for responding to that particular gentleman that we couldn't all be blessed with his cleavage. I'm gonna go add that to mine.

I've never actually tried a Smirnoff Ice, but I voted for it because I tasted champagne once and it was like my tongue was a slug and the drink was salt. It was less of a taste than just a negative mouth experience.

I want to time travel and hug the children you were, and I want to regular travel and shake the hand of the adult you have become.