When I was in college, I bought an enormous, pink silicon dildo with a suction cup on the end. It was a joke (really, it was too big to use). When I came home for the summer, my teenage brothers discovered it. From then on, I'd hear "AAAAH!!! NOOOOO," in the mornings, when one would wake another up by smacking him in…

Here's common hiding place:

Yeah, you need to grab it really tight with both hands and then twist it like a doorknob - in opposite directions. Men loooove that. If he screams out in pain, don't worry; tears means he's loving it extra hard.

None of these seem to suggest touching his penis. This can't be Cosmo.

My family has a life size cutout of Shaquille O'Neal that my grandfather stole from a gas station and we hide it around the house all the time. Best places: On the toilet so when the bathroom door is opened he surprises you, inside the front door, and behind the bed. My mom screams every time she runs into him.

If only that was the only issue. I have one conviction from when I was a kid. If I had had a lawyer he would kept the case in family court. But I has a public defender. So now 24 years later some jobs will not hire me and I cant get a lease. WTF? How was a child going to know one simple conviction would ruin my life…

My 18 month old daughter is precious! She also poops in the bathtub 3 nights a week and grinds goldfish crackers into my new carpet. Pretty sure I'm the only person who loves her enough to put up with that shit! worst roommate ever!

I read an article saying that they were planning to kill 3000 dogs, which is horrible, and I'm glad 80 have been rescued. However, in this country we euthanize 2.7 million adoptable dogs and cats every year, despite the fact that this method does not help long-term animal control. Support your local no-kill shelter,…

Seriously? The Daily Mail and now fanfiction too?

Stop it, Jezebel.

#iamalady

You caught me between tit ticks! Give me about 4.5 months and I'll be there with you!

Definitely Mad Men. Great choice. I want to be one of Don Draper's naughty one night stands.

KANYE DIED FOR YOUR SHINS

i am a very MASCULINE man, and i am a very VERY STRONG proponent of "gender equality" when it comes to equal pay, and equal opportunity.

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS.

I remember him being at one of those "town hall debates" and being introduced to a woman with three jobs. He chuckled and said "That is uniquely American, isn't it?" Commentators later pointed out that she wouldn't have to work three jobs if we could solve some problems that had become "uniquely American."

Fine. But I think that mothers should get it first since we push the damn things out.

Just a reminder - just because this woman has a beautiful body does not mean that you do not, or that you should feel any lesser about your own.

Channing Tatum stops working out four hours a day to be a dad: OMG, what's happened to him!