My ex calmly and rationally explained to me that it opens out like a book and is full of pockets, hence, pocketbooks.

I suppose you'd have an objection to my egg and goat cheese scramble I had for breakfast this morning?

Now accepting funds to travel to Italy. In the name of research.

All of the above is true. I recently spent two weeks in England with my family, trying to persuade my 14-year-old cat to love me again. I could get him onto my lap, eventually, but if I dared to breathe he was severely pissed off. I once made the mistake of laughing (I was watching TV) and he bit me.

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT FAWLTY TOWERS IS ON NETFLIX

It's like I see the words you've typed but all I read is 'wrong, wrong, wrong'.

The term 'pocketbook' is up there at number 1 on my hated words list.

I don't understand people who don't like chicken on pizza. Domino's Cali bacon chicken ranch pizza is glorious, shut your pie-hole.

That would be sexier than this whole scene.

Well I'm not about to Google 'page 3' at work...

One of my personal favourites was the first time he tried champagne. He is thoroughbred redneck, going back about 20 generations. He'd never had champagne before. I bought a bottle - sure, it wasn't Dom Perignon, but it wasn't cheap shit either - and he said "this is nasty shit, it tastes like Bud Lite".

Can you fill me in on this? I've heard one little muttering about it on Facebook, but other than that I am totally out of the loop. I'm guessing you're talking about The Sun's page 3?

It's been five minutes and I'm still laughing at "FREE AS BOOSIE MY NIGGA WE MADE IT".

He was ONE stolen patty away from a land, sea and air.

That one actually made me sad. I'm not trying to be SJW, but I'm picturing people with very severe allergies who never ever get to eat out and thought "you know what? I just want to have a nice meal in a restaurant like normal people do, let's bring our own stuff along". Followed by spending a long time getting all…

I'm watching without sound, but my answer is "flight safety videos".

Madam ;)

"Relieve my bowels tout suite" is the most beautiful phrasing for "I needed to shit" I have ever heard, and for that, this Brit thanks you.

OMG Mark

STILL NOT A CLUE