"Sssshhh. My cheekbones are resting."

Well this is just ruff :(

Coming soon to a Pinterest near you:

Oh haaaaaaaaiiii Pinkham :)

Shit, free healthcare is exactly WHY we eat this stuff every day. The gubmint pays to remove our diabeetus.

What... What on earth is she drinking?

I think if our former colonies had Heinz baked beans, they would feel very differently about beans.

Thanks for this :)

I... What? I'm horrified by abstinence-only programs. I grew up in the UK, which is a Mecca for free healthcare and sex ed and, you know, other awesome stuff; so I have no experience with abstinence-only education*. Now I live in GA, I worry about my daughter.

If you're rich enough and stupid enough that you can douche with cocaine, give me a call. I have a bridge to sell you.

I must have made a wrong turn in my life somewhere to not end up hand-feeding kittens all day.

...so basically we're fucked.

I want to pick a certain line from her statement to illustrate my point, but I can't. It's all just perfection. All I can say is BRA-FUCKING-VO.

I'll answer the questions I know you all have.

Fried bread is super nom. Unbelievably super nom. Just take my word for it and don't ask questions.

Oh fucknuggets.

Is the Hobby Lobby ruling something that a petition could overturn? Because damn it, I'm angry, and I know how to write a good angry legal-sounding jargon (especially when I'm in a She-Hulk rage). I've seen and signed petitions at WeThePeople before, but I'm a dirty foreigner and I'm not too familiar with Supreme…

I love the ginger one. I love how it looks up like "what- what, you... You didn't just... DON'T LOOK AT HIM, FRISKERS, DON'T LET HIM SEE YOUR PAIN", looks back down at the plate like "but did he really...?", walks away in an outrage, and then comes back all "no, he couldn't have been so cruel. Maybe the tuna is over…

So.... Is there money for people who only consume Red Bull in Jaegerbomb form?