Made a 35 mile round trip, in the dark and with only one headlight working, to see if this guy I'd met at a liquor store the night before would be working. He was. Asked him "hey, remember me?" and he gives me a big smile and says "of course". Asked him, in my best Queen's English, "down to fuck?". He said fuck yeah.…

I still owe you a royal snapchat tumblr.

Maybe they're concerned that she didn't have a lying in?

Is that how it works? Damn! Thank you, Adultosaur!

I am very happy for them. I love babies. They make my flinty heart turn to marshmallow fluff. Such squee. Much adorable.

Good lord. Wouldn't that skip like a motherlover?

Eyebrow porn:

I have very strong feelings about eyebrows. The first, of course, being "it's your body, do whatever the hell you want". But I'm one of those "line a pencil up with your nose/iris/cheekbone and strategically pluck" folks, so I like brows to be in a perfect shape. I look at her bushy, shapeless brows and see my dad's…

I feel like I'm the only person in the world who thinks her brows are hideous.

We are divorced, so YES.

I'm pretty sure this will dox me, but hashtag yolo. It's a long story of clusterfuck, so hold on to your butts.

I like to think that my pregnancy...

DAMN IT MAKE IT STAAAAAHP.

Every time someone likes this comment, the damn song comes back. DAMN IT, SELF, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

No no no no fucking no. No, Jessica. I'm not mad at you, because I know it's not your fault. But the correct response to criticism about your weight is not "damn, I must lose weight! And while I'm at it, encourage and help others to lose weight, too!". The correct response is *sticks both middle fingers in the air*. I…

vulvadoodles

Oh, my God, Jennifer Aniston is having a baby at last. I haven't been this excited since three weeks ago, when I read that she was having a baby at last... ...Elsewhere in the magazine, the editors ponder why Eva Mendes went into hiding throughout her pregnancy and immediately after.

I'm so horrified that I had to give you a star.

Gold star.

"Ireland person" ! I love it.