Even the 1959 Disney version, the unconscious princess, deep inside a bramble-covered fortress, is "awakened" by a sword-wielding prince who pushes through the black (pubic hair-esque?) branches and enters her soft pink chamber.

Spot on, except for one detail: it's a gold sticker because it's twins. Here's how the ranking of Official Palace Confirms stickers goes:

They've been CHECKING HER SHEETS.

THERE'S A GOLD STICKER. A GOLD FUCKING STICKER, Y'ALL. THAT'S, LIKE, CONFIRMATION ON A "TELEGRAM FROM HER MAJESTY" LEVEL.

I thought that 'catfishing' was what Cameron Diaz does to the car in The Counselor. Since it's closely related people we're talking about here, I suppose I'm thankful I was wrong...

Da-yuuuum.

Ho-ly shit. She sounds like a right piece of work.

OH SHIT I left off the best story ever.

FINALLY, a pissing contest I have a shot at. Maybe?

Lmao. You are wonderful. Congratulations on the little cheeze!

I was merely explaining the source, but I've seen far more ugly Ps than ugly Vs.

Nope, straight, D-lovin' lady here. I can love them and still think they're ugly.

Well I have both, soooo.....

I HATED the Nubain. I probably could have managed without the epi if it weren't for the Nubain, to be honest. Nubain knocked me out, but didn't dull the pain at all. I went from "constant pain" to "practically unconscious and pain-free one moment, screeching the next".

If I had to guess, I'd say it's because boobs and vaginas are beautiful, wonderful things; but penises look like some sort of sea cucumber that swallowed its own arsehole. It's like finding the best Monet painting vs finding the dog turd with the best curl.

Kudos! I held out for 24 hours out of my 26, I'll admit I am pretty proud of that. Then I was like "fuck, it's been a DAY" and "nope, I am done".

A leathery sack.... Oh, Nan, I miss you so much.

(This is the part where I mention that my post was meant to be lighthearted and I bet your mother is awesome, in case I have actually caused offense. Because it's hard to tell on internetz)

I'm sure your mother is lovely, but.... She is also That Woman. We all know a That Woman. She's the one who says "oh, birth isn't so bad. If it was that bad, we'd all stop at one child, wouldn't we?" and makes women like me think "yeah! Yeah! My body was meant to do this. I can push a small person out of my vagina…

My congratulations on the new Petite! And, as someone who birthed a 9.9 pounder.... ....my hugs.