You are damn wonderful, you know that?

Holy shit, you win

I have this husband. Sadly, he has yet to become an ex husband. I'm in the process of making him one, but he is lingering like a genital wart that I just can't shake. He's about as welcome as one, too.

Good God....

God, that is so awful. When she told me I assumed and hoped she was joking. What a poisonous thing to tell young children. And what the fuck is the gain? Congratulations, you scared some children into staying virgins until marriage. At the expense of some teen pregnancy and STDs. Hooray!

To be fair to Lifestyle, a hug like this is exactly how my daughter was conceived.

I could use some American perspective on this, particularly from those of you in the southern United States.

Some men get better as they mature. Like a fine cheese.

Did anyone else read Flex's name as 'Flex Poonmuncher'? Was that intentional, or do I have a filthy, filthy mind?

Lindy, I just wanted to say that I finally caved and got Twitter today. So far I am following my 5 best friends, Dolly Parton, and you.

You have the best burner of ALL TIME. I think I have told you this in the past, but it is worth repeating.

Male tears cure all female injuries and ailments. That is actually the sole purpose of feminism: to generate male tears for the advancement of women.

My mother had an ex-racehorse called Plod. Yep, Plod. My father was so angry when she got him that she had to say "but he's a gift... For you!" to cover her tracks. My father said "so, if he's mine, I get to name him, right? I get to name this mighty, prizewinning, racing steed?". She had no choice but to say yes. To…

People are so gross. I adopted a dumpster kitty. She wasn't injured, luckily, but I cannot fathom why someone would not at least take the damn thing to a shelter. I once heard "maybe they thought the shelter would immediately euthanise her", but still can't wrap my head around it.

WHAT???? WHAT??? HOW DID I MISS THE GIN VOTE? I have been obsessively following March Madness.

STAAAAAHP! He's a married man, I can't has!

But they do have their advantages! I was crushing hardcore on a man I could NOT have (17 years older than me... And engaged...) and it was getting uncontrollable... ....then I learned that he couldn't grow a beard, just this wispy downy peach fuzz. Attraction gone!

Oh don't with the beards. Beards seem to be an immediate gateway to my.... Soul, let's put it that way.

Even knowing that this is fake, my world just became a better place.

Following her announcement that she and Chris Martin are ending their decade-long marriage (that shit's hard, so all my sympathy and best of luck), Gwyneth Paltrow has also declared that she's going to take a break from acting.