On my balls, on my dick then I bust a nut quick. On her face, on her chest, stick my dick between her breasts. Come on fellas, let’s get weird. Stick your dick up in her ear.

Luckily, Olsen’s wife will never see this.

A deeply mediocre team quarterbacked by Nick Foles isn’t exactly a big draw for the citizens of Los Angeles

And here I thought I’d have to wait until the game to see a statue repeatedly knocked over.

Sure Jesus’s jump shot his rookie year got criticized, but even his fiercest critics had to admit he hung tough on the boards.

>:-(

That is awful! I can’t believe it. It defies reason. It doesn’t make sense. Why would anyone read news on a folded up piece of paper?

Toronto police don’t have any complaints filed related to the incident, but the NBA and Clippers plan to investigate what happened, according to Amick.

Him: “Picaboooooo!”

Whenever the End Times come, we need to make sure we save Antonio Cromartie for re-population purposes.

That is, of course, if they can find her.

I can’t believe George Lucas drives a motherfucking Jeep.

Typical millennial. All meme meme meme.

This will go nicely with my white power tie!

I’m all for showing your fandom, but that’s really over the line.

Jason Kendall got 2 — count ‘em — 2 votes! That’s 1 more than the number of functional ankles he has. Or two more than the number of friends he has.

“Asinine? I mean, that’s all well and good, but what about her face?”

Detroit does not really support a pro football team.

Interviewer: Now that you are retired, are you concerned about CTE?

Like most things delivered by Dan Haren, these tweets were completely out of left field.