"I'm not saying I'm going to go die when I'm 45, 50," he said.

"I don't think you understand how this works."

"Living on a budget? There's barely any meat on those."

"After a while, they left me alone," he said. "But it was always that elephant in the room."

D- Rusty Dessert, So., Utica
Double marks for being an awesome Lacrosse name, and a putrid sex act I will gladly pay extra for.

Judging by his roster, the poor guy is unfamiliar with the entire concept of stars.

Actually, the idea of hosting a private party there sounds pretty good if you're looking for a place where the authorities will turn a blind eye to rampant drug use.

Say what you will but I bet people will be really excited to experience the mediums and lows of Brewers history.

Dear Watt, I wrote you but you still ain't calling

If the Texans want to light up the scoreboard on offense they're going to need at least 100 watts.

You would think that MacTavish would be the last person to want to wear two hats.

If it was any other quarterback, people would say he was trolling. But when Andrew Luck does it he's just being true to himself.

The Knicks have been trying it ever since they got Carmelo. Shit just doesn't work.

Usually sad little plain parties are called "Amish Funerals."

Mindfuck: He just took the luggage OUT of the engine compartment.

You know what's black, white, and red all over?

You could try voting. I know few to none of you tried it last month, but you could try again in the future.

You're not far off Tom. There's actually another panda outside of the frame that eats shoots and leaves.

Judge: "This evidence is inadmissible. Bailiff, throw it out."
Bailiff: [throws evidence eight yards short of the garbage can]
Bailiff: [walks over and picks evidence up off the courthouse floor]
Bailiff: [throws evidence like ten yards over the garbage can and a bit to the right of it]
Bailiff: [walks over and picks…