I guess I had the Patriots pegged wrong. I always assumed it would be Tom and Giselle getting the strap ons.

He finally found the guy who bumped into his car in the parking lot, and is insisting that the guilty party fix a dent.

"Hedy Hey Hedy Hey Hedy decky decky decky decky decky decky decky decky decky."

I approve of this headline.

I heard he laid a deuce in the boss's office

They've been traveling in Comets for years, but it hasn't helped Cuba.

He's got a point.

Now what are you going to put on all your horrible cereals, Tim?

It's still better than last year when the Cardinals QB job depended on Drew Straws.

Actually, I'm pretty sure nobody's missed more shots than Jay Cutler's kids.

The pattern of abuse is always the same and follows McDonald's: court her, pound her.

When asked why he did it, Oliver replied, "Just for the halibut."

Fortunately, Cutler is immune to criticism. Unlike his kids, who aren't immune to a goddamn thing.

That said, Bulls fans aren't exactly looking forward to the day when Rose manages to finally catch a break.

I'm not trying to clown Derrick Rose

The Bulls would release him, but at this point he can’t even take a hike.

So... what you're saying is: success doesn't depend on who you replace Drew Bledsoe with, just replace him.

If Fitzpatrick really wanted to keep a job in Texas even though he was terrible at it, maybe he should have gone to Yale.