Whoever animated this deserves a fucking award. No single image has ever captured the uncomfortable horror of seeing someone nude in the hot tub like this picture. You can FEEL the sanity breaking inside this man.

Bands that are a pain in the dick to search for, in no particular order:

Tessa has Virtue but Scott wants Moir.

That’s actually pretty Machiavellian.  So it’s definitely not the plan of someone from Arizona.

Make the head football coach responsible for their losses, he’s more likely to get promoted from his assistant position to take his place. Make the boys bball team have a worse record than they would otherwise, his girls team will look better by comparison, and he might get named boys head coach.

See? Two discernible…

That’s OK. It happens to a lot of bull semen factories. 

Cum On, Feel The Noize!

> I was too scared of them

At least you flushed something.

If you’re heading for the medicine cabinet I already been there.

After I left the hospital, I got prescribed Percocet—a mixture of oxycodone and acetaminophen. But I never took the pills, because they scared me to death.

You should only make it on Thanksgiving or other large entertaining events, and only then if you need the space for coats.

What a productive two days you’ve had.

I’ve noticed that there is a section of the Patriots fanbase that I’ve grown to really dislike,

As a Patriots fan, I’ve been waiting for this column since Zuerlein missed the desperation FG and the inevitable was confirmed. Obviously there was a lot of doubt at that time that this article would be written. So thanks to Drew for his health, his wit, and his hatred of the Patriots. It would have been an odd summer…

I can see that my work here is done.

I knew I’d seen Brady’s hat before:

“There’s nothin wrong with payin fah a handjob”- Sully O’Sullivan, Charlestown. Age 10

The Super Bowl was so boring that people at the party didn't even stop talking through the commercials. The hosts had locked away their kittens but let them out at halftime to entertain us because the game sure wasn't getting the job done. 

“This is some pretty heavy stuff.”