Oh. Oh... right. Suuuuuuuurrrrrre. *winkwink*

Oh, you know they're out there banging anyone who'll let 'em, then preaching about how sinful those temptresses are.

A dirty fork!

I like a little attention on the all over, but more than a few minutes of that and I'm just all, "You need a MAP, sweetheart?"

My exact thoughts about three seconds in to my first clip: "I go out of my way to avoid people like that in real life. WHY would I want to watch them on TV?"

Wait until you quote it to someone and they have no idea what you're talking about, even after you sing it for them. THEN YOU'RE OLD, GRANDMA. (Source: Personal experience.)

To be fair to Fountains of Wayne, I think they were joking. They have a lot of songs with Middle American "characters" in them.

I'm dying, dude. Dying. Right here in the kitchen. ALL THE STARS.

There will never be enough stars for Richard Ayoade.

BUT BATMAN HAS BIG MUSCLES AND THAT HURTS MY MAN FEELINGS!!!1!!

Chocolates are proof that God loves us. -_-

Sigh. I am having all of these conversations RIGHT NOW, except I'm having them in the Gawker posts about Islamic fundamentalists.

I totally did a Muslim Tree this year! Stars, twinkly lights, the whole bit. Jesus is one of our prophets, so I've been stealing all the best bits of Christmas. "Hey Lars, thanks for the Christmas present. Great party! Oh, uh... I didn't get you anything. Muslim, donchaknow." The War For Christmas is REAL, Bill…

It's like in high school, when the worst punishment they could think of was "suspension," a.k.a. "extra vacation." Although considering the level of emotional maturity we're dealing with, high school seems appropriate.

We can use the money he was going to spend on all those untested rape kits in Detroit.

She did not report the attack, believing that it could derail her law career.

Middle-aged, Republican senators pain ME, but you don't see me introducing bills against them.

Yes, yes, Social Security scam, rotting corpse, blah blah. The important thing here is that it's "A ROSE For Emily." A rose. Get your priorities in order, Shrayber.

Maybe he'll venture too far into the "hood" and someone will "pop a cap in his ass," then some nice woman can buy his house and put up a Craigslist ad for a knitting circle.

Maybe she sleeps with his homeless buddies.