I had a crock pot once. It was too small to do save-for-later portions, and too hot to incubate yogurt, and didn't have a timer. So basically it was a pot on the stove, but it took up space and was hard to clean. So I gave that shit away.

YOU GUIZE! I just discovered "Vicious," starring Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi as a bitchy gay couple and I think I'm in love. Now if only it were available to watch somewhere. :(

The ladies can't resist Eau de Tunafish Sandwich.

BURQAS FOR EVERYONE! But just to be safe, don't go outside. Going outside is a CLEAR invitation to sexytimes.

And don't refuse when they offer to buy you dinner! You wouldn't want to be a frigid tease. *barf*

I decorated my spot with glitter and Martha Stewart (tm) crackle paint.

Okay, this will seem off topic but it's not, I promise.

One step closer to my perfect future.

I'll just leave this Dara O'Briain here to help you feel better.

Eddie Izzard has this bit about the fashion circle - if you go too far, past "cool, hip and groovy" you go 'round the corner into "looking like a dickhead."

Can we start a club? Because I love my chickens and my rose garden and my heirloom vegetables, but if I see one more person buy a bottle of "vor-mag" water I'm gonna flip.

I agree. I am human. A human who respects robots. I agree. Soup is delicious. I agree. I agree.

Dance like Cindy! Power up to the droid rebel alliance!

For the first time in my life I agree with MTV.

And her fat hands. HOW DOES SHE PICK THINGS UP WITH THOSE FAT HANDS!?

Anyone who still eats lutefisk is up to no good.

You, Sir/Madam, are incorrect, because the iftar post-Ramadan dinners at my local mosque are THE. BEST. Nobody makes halva like a grouchy Muslim grandma makes halva.

I have this theory that everyone should have to work a shitty, minimum wage job. Like, between high school and college. You get a random crappy job, and you work it for a randomly assigned number of years so you don't even have the comfort of knowing when you'll stop being so f-ing poor. Then we'll all know what it's…

I could listen to Stephen Colbert saying "panties" all day.

Moist panties?