She can be really judgmental about a few other things as well, like trans* people, and anyone who cross dresses. Very much "WHUT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!?" I love a good advice column, but she always leaves me with a twinge in my neck.

Does anyone remember in the commentary for South Park, where Matt and Trey are talking about "hat-on-hat" writing? Like, they wrote an episode about Towlie, but also about Oprah's vagina taking people hostage, and it was just too weird? Too much going on. Like if you wore a hat on another hat. That's how I feel about…

Next up on I'm Whole... You're Whole: Cat Holding! Tying a Tie! And, of course.... More Saxophone!

Oh, you know. Saving them from a life of sluthood, forced abortions, the apocalypse... the usual stuff.

I bought an actual fig tree, and my first thought was, "WOW! That's exactly what fig leaves look like in the paintings!" I may or may not have grabbed one and pranced about in the bathroom, subsequently.

When my husband wanted a divorce he told his family how awful I was, and they agreed wholeheartedly. Then we stayed together and he can't figure out why I won't spend Thanksgiving with them.

And black penises. Very close to white penises. For... "research." Yeah. "Research."

Did you tell him that being dumped and alone is part of the blues tradition?

Okay, that's just too funny. Someone needs to make this into a YouTube video.

Maybe you can get England to take you back? Although they're not doing that great, either.

THINGS WERE BETTER BEFORE ALL THESE NEWFANGLED CHANGES.

Yeah. Someone needs to take this dude aside and explain to him all the ways that those "great resources" aren't like the local library or the river walk.

No, no! You need a white, male "minimalist" to show you how!

But then again, Stephen Fry in Wilde was the least convincing actor in any gay sex scene ever, so maybe Harry Radquus has something there.

So for everyone who is insisting that women won't measure up to men in sports: Okay.

It would be amusing to measure wrestlers by volume, though.

Clearly he had just finished watching 300, the award-winning (?) Spartan epic starring Every Pec In Existence, and 300 Gallons of Oil.

So to sum up, he is NOT racist, but all Blacks are in prison while not writing classical music, so whites are the superior race, but again, NOT RACIST, because he has TONS of Black friends.Glad we cleared that up.

Don't worry your pretty head about "data," little feminist. The big daddy scientists are dealing with it.

Wait... Bill Bailey? How could Bill Bailey possibly be involved in this!?