My landlord and his wife bought a dozen chickens this spring. They live in the middle of the freaking suburbs, and they thought they were going to "free range" the chickens. Then they discovered that chickens don't magically stay within your property line, and that some of their neighbors object to having the Magic of…

Half of my in-laws are loony, Muslim hating, Obama mistrusting, Constitution/Bible thumping right wingos. The other half are crystal waving, organic food chowing, Himalayan salt tossing, natural gas protesting liberals. They both agree that the liberal/corporate media and the devious Obama administration are…

My nutritional philosophy can be summed up in four words, and those words are "EAT ALL THE THINGS!"

WHY AM I NOT FOLLOWING DAVID LYNCH!?He's the nutty uncle I never had.

Sometimes Hugh Laurie does that lisp too, and then I think it's very wise that they keep British actors on their own island so they stay safe from me.

The Worst Witch. Oh man. OH MAN. Some kinda trippy-dippy, loopy, spiffy, terrible-blue-screen-y, sing-along-y space crazy movie THAT was. Fer sers.

So aside from all the other crap going on here, isn't the management responsible for shutting up hecklers... FOR THE OTHER PAYING CUSTOMERS? I can't be the only person who would be pissed at going to a comedy club and having to sit through an hour of some jackass shouting sexual harassment at the entertainer.

The government's on a tight budget. Can it just be one Real Doll and a waiting list? We could probably wash it between dates.

That's very helpful, thanks! I can actually deal with rape plots a lot better if everyone in the movie/show/book is all like, "THAT'S AN AWFUL THING." But rape with no comeuppance or justice is too much to handle.

I am SO on the fence about watching GoT. Not on the fence about the show itself, you understand, just about actually watching it. Because I adore complicated plot lines, and Hamlet/Oedipal-esque tragedy, and women in armor. ADORE. But I also can't be watching a lot of rape-y scenes.

The Tale of Genji has, like, 400 characters. AND it was written by a woman with no access to whiteboards. Maybe something happened between now and Classical Japan that melted our brains?

Merida is my imaginary best friend, and YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH HER OR I WILL CUT YOU. *dissolves into heap of tears*

I will gladly eat insects, but only if they go through the same de-legging/de-heading process as meat. I don't like to eat things that still have all legs and heads and look at me from the plate. Also, if I get a cicada leg stuck in my teeth I will get very girly and scream.

I've just invented a "real beauty" test that's just one of those sledgehammer things you hit to get the doohicky to shoot up and ding the bell. Doesn't actually have anything to do with it, I just like those things.

I tried to make myself a fashion inspiration board once, but I couldn't find enough pictures of Joan of Arc, armadillos, or samurai helmets to make it work. (Completely serious.) Also, if you search "gladiator" you get one grainy picture of Russell Crowe and a million shitty sandals. Sad fax.

It's lazy writing. Adding "midget" to a joke is supposed to make it more hilariouser. LITTLE DO THEY KNOW. (Literally.)

UGH. Midget jokes. ("Jokes.") I can't even. I don't even KNOW any little people, and I still cringe so hard I crimp my own hair. A guy can be funny, smart, good looking, and OWN AN ISLAND, and yet one use of the word "midget" is enough to shrivel my ovaries into craisins.

This ties into my recent plan to design sweaters and jackets that look like armor. Joan of Arc is gonna SO BE IN next season, I can feel it.

It depends on the fabric to a surprising degree. I work at a greenhouse over the summer, and I can be as comfortable in a hijab, long sleeves and long skirt as anyone else as long as it's a breathable fabric. Polyester is a killer.

Say it with me now!