It’ll happen as soon as the Jets cut him and the Dolphins sign him as a backup.

Sorry, but after reading this, all I can think about is

That home theater with the single chair is the exact setting I picture Trump in when he’s watching Fox News.

Gotta be the Saints, right? Minneapolis Miracle and no pass interference in consecutive years? 

I knew a guy who spent a summer - two months! - in England, and came back with the accent. On top of that, he would say things like "Do you have any crisps, or as you would say, chips?" But after a couple of beers he'd forget and his Wisconsin accent was back.

Geoff Jenkins

Rob Klinkhammer

Omaha, you say? I think I may know who that is!

That would be a great promotion - the tarp goes on the field after the last out, they turn on the sprinklers for twenty minutes, and people can slip and slide all they want to. What could possibly go wrong?

At the California DHS, it's all good from Diego to the Bay.

Nah, he's with his mother at a We Work in Havana. 

A seafood omelette or scramble can be pretty nice, too.

I prefer to think of them as boxing pigs.

That's how Japanese baseball works. But instead of the San Francisco Giants, they would be the Wells Fargo Giants,  or the Google Dodgers, and so on.

Nah, they'll have a Madoff Securities Investments patch.

I can't wait to hear Bauer drone on and on about this.

Come on - you know he’s going to be on the roster for the Memphis Hustle mostly.

Don’t forget this guy - just because he’s behind bars doesn’t mean his face is any less punchable.

+100 cans of soup

Well, that just changed.