I bought my dad a Twins jersey with Thome's name on it even though he had been traded during the season.

Anyone ever notice that Beckie Francis and Michele Bachmann have never been in the same room/arena/church/testimony watching place together?

Three pages later:

You may think this is just a printed backdrop, but it's actually a live camera feed of Putin's Summer Getaway camp where you can watch protestors go rafting in concrete boots.

The only thing worse than a seagull is a canada goose. Those fuckers act like they run shit.

Entry fee: $75

The baby was very upset by the catering at the event.

Must be really confusing on pop flys into the outfield

Marlins would kill to have that many of ANYTHING in their ballpark for a game!

Ron Roenicke was NEVER in a barbershop quartet in Skokie Illinois.

So....we invaded their land and violated treaties we forced them to sign for 100 years?

"Guys, holy shit... I think these mushrooms might be a little bit too strong."

I hope he sent the Yankees home with a gift basket like the rest of his one night stands.

Enhance!

"The party is raising money for diabetes research through Cutler's foundation, in case you cared about that for some reason."

Apparently, there was a mixup with the 80s theme and most of the guests came dressed as Cutler's career high passer rating.

Now we just need Starter jackets back

No, Chestnut, I said Kobe is a giant asshole.

Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Clyde