There are people who run, and then there are Runners. If you're not a Runner, it doesn't matter how in-shape you are, running will always suck.

Well, you see, Timmy's white privilege made all the minority players neglect to swing at any of his pitches and thus, a no-hitter was born.

I guess with all these Zimmerman stories (with Gawker a whole 2 clicks away, I'm glad you are on story posting duty too!) you will post about Lincecum's no-hitter tomorrow? I know it's about sports and not Zimmerman, but maybe I'll check Gawker and see if it's on there.

Honey Badger Don't Think Too Much Before Saying Things

Way to go, Chris Paul. By capitalizing that second W in "WoW" you just brought the case to the attention of 30 million weapon-toting white kids across America.

Telling people to kill themselves is certainly a reasonable reaction.

God is telling you not to retire, Mo. He says you have plenty left in the tank and you are letting Father Time off the hook by not following through with his long overdue ass beating.

I'll say this about Gus - he's one of the only American soccer commentators who actually sounds excited and into the match. The coterie of drone voiced former USMNTers is embarrassing and boring and I'll take Gus's bursts of schoolboy enthusiasm any day. Though I'd still prefer Arlo White any day (we Sounders fans…

Smacking the final dregs of a rum and coke between his pouting lips, Ron Gardenhire assembled his momentum and launched his bulk into a gait with the inevitability of an avalanche. He paused to survey the jaded, leery masses of the five boroughs, permitting himself a smirk of self-righteousness as he reminded himself…

A sad song tonight.

Go drunk, BTCJ, you're home.

...and sad sacks plagiarize mediocre Rob Delaney tweets in search of likes.

What was the perception of Yasiel Puig around the Grown Ups 2 set?

Your move, Kanye

Gang,

Yup, these are my readers.

Usher: Sir, are you OK? You may have a concussion. How many fingers am I holding up?

Unlike every single other person in my family, I didn't get in to Carolina. But my liberal arts education is really coming in handy on my turnip farm.

Marshall, ima let you finish, but Erin had one of the best videos of all time.

"Shut your peep hole."