Picked up erg from a science fiction book that I can't remember. I've used it for 20+ years as my name for restaurant waiting lists. "Erg, table for six."

I just went with what my father told me on his deathbed.

May I suggest FormosanCarpetMunch?

All these jokes can't be coming from just one man. It's inconceivable.

We get it, Scott Brown, you've got a truck, you're a regular guy.

Now I understand why Kris Benson was so calm in his 911 call. He's had a decade of experience in being taken out by a criminal.

Terrible signing. I think we're going to have to downgrade the Rockets from title challenger to title Challenger.

The Pixies - Bone Machine

"It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners."

It is a tattoo.

"D'ya have a good sarsparilla?"

Damn, Jack. That song, just...Finest Kind.

Somewhere, Rob Ryan is probably eating food.

Sadly, no. The doctors said he suffered considerable brain damage, so he'll keep riding dirtbikes.

The last time an Austrian went over the edge like that, we re-drew the map of Europe.

You know the country has come a long way when essentially the entire south voted for Freeman.

This won't be as cool as the time he performed at the Walmart in Kodiak, Alaska.

His wife should opt for a motorized wheelchair, because as soon as he's finished, she'll appreciate something that runs on batteries.

Only oilmen and spoiled men in Texas, and y'all know I'm no Daniel Day-Lewis.