I cry over pizza all the time. Especially as I eat it over the sink while drinking a handle of bourbon straight from the bottle.

I watched Flacco’s interview after the game last night and I wondered how come his hair looked so effortlessly stylish even after wearing a helmet. Same with a bunch of other QBs with longer hair like Matt Ryan, Brady of course, etc.

Yeah it really is awesome how cheaply you can get into doing your own repairs. Just for the love of God don’t cheap out on the jackstands and jack. Hell, just to keep yourself from being stupid chronologically “well, I can’t afford the jackstands now, but I can afford the jack”, you should honestly buy the jackstands…

You -

“No, man—I said I wanted to get hooked up with Bose!”

I understand that professional athletes often go above and beyond to connect with their home cities, but, in Rose’s case, a shot to the face seems like just a bit too much.

I bet Tavarish never tires of literally this exact objection to everything he writes about used cars.

Oh, so you’re me.

Wait, the escort or the driving experience. Or both?

I got married! Chicks, right?

Agreed. Last year he had only the third best total QBR in the league (after Rodgers and Romo), which is likely a career worst. Retire already!

Wait, I thought we were just picking up a first date, not murdering them.

If anybody is curious, I am also WILLING to sign for 3/$53M with the Cavaliers.

Wait a minute, did the original rules claim that this first date was with a cousin?

No. Unless you are going to pick up your date at The Villages.

Assuming the “date-ee,” as it were, knew anything about cars, this would be an easy challenge. Car people look for badges. They’ll see an “M” or pick out the “AMG” on the trunk lid. They would know what a kompressor model is. Personally, lord knows I just want somebody who will see my V12 badges without them being…

THATS SOME PEAK FALL SHIT

Do I want to go apple-picking on Saturday?