He was laid up for two weeks with severe bodyaches, joint pain, headaches and a myriad of other symptoms.

Baby, we’re gonna set the world on fire, babe. Heidi, baby, you’re the best babe a guy could ever want. Glad you finally came around and realized I surpass your husband in every way. Looks? Uh, yah. Political clout? Check and mate, Heids. Physical strength? Well, I think Ted’s shiner tells the tale on that one. I…

Non-nude section: [Bubbles with conversation over whether or not this concept can work, if it’s funny or just wrong and what this says about where we are as a society. Many wonder aloud if refunds will be issued. Each gaze rests on the nude section as tapas are consumed.]

His reaction really isn’t surprising. Studies show that the vast majority of celebratory Frenchmen end up getting Toulouse.

For me, part of the reason this is so cool is that they have to try to get as close as possible to the ball when it stops rolling so they can get the next shot off ASAP. I just don't think a one-man version would be as exciting. Relay 4 Lyfe.

The Giants didn’t use an official nickname for their Week 12 opponent, either. The preferred term is ‘Dipshits’.

Lou Williams: [tweets]

“I will not sit.”

Doctor: Well, Kyle, the bad news is your ankle pretty much exploded. But look on the bright side; everyone agrees Vintage Cart Night was a huge success!

The officer with the possibly fractured skull should just break down and spring for an x-ray.

Gotta love the drama that comes out of these league meetings. Like last year, when Gus Bradley found out that receiving an AFC Coaches Breakfast Attendee plaque doesn’t count as bringing home the hardware.

Draymond Green Proves That Steals Can Be Highlights

Morris actually had to jump off his hoverboard when he approached a bump in the ground.

Pretty rare to see a Manning gumshoe that doesn’t involve Eli being irresponsible with Bubble Tape.

Tough way to find out you’ll be the granddaddy of no one.

If there’s one thing about this Super Bowl to look forward to, it’s that Cam Newton and Von Miller will be on the same field.

Phantom pressure is pretty tough to deal with. Just ask any ghost that didn’t stay true to itself and got wrapped up in ghost crime.

Eli, with tears streaming down his face, stated that he “couldn’t be happier” to have McAdoo as the new head coach and that “while Momma and Daddy physically put the gifts under the tree, Santa lives in my heart and that makes him real.”

Blair Walsh Lived A Kicker’s Nightmare

The neighbors aren’t psyched about the elaborate system of zip lines Amendola uses to get up into his Honda Accord, either.