43 year-old Planet Hollywood patron John Hornacek: And I guess in the end I just didn’t feel like basketball was my calling. Different strokes for different folks, you know? Hit me. Fuck!

Let’s not jump to conclusions. He might just be really loyalt to screaming ‘cowabunga’ and surfing a huge wave.

Dog 1: Did you see that guys dick? Just awful.

I still don't think reporters should be allowed into the locker room when players are molting after games.

In the wake of the Politico post, Carson also admitted that he never toured with Motörhead in 1982, that he was not conceived in the bowels of an active volcano, that he does not have retractable feathered wings, and that he actually would not make a good president.

Sure, crushing a pop-it between your thumb and forefinger may <i> seem </i> like a great way to impress your friends...

I hope one day someone gets to the bottom what was going on with the fedora on Highly Questionable with Dan Le Batard.

“I sucked cock at a Washington Redskins game and all I got was this lousy upper-thigh tattoo denoting the aforementioned fellatio.”

“I can smell your fucking wife’s cunt from here”

Once police discovered a bullet had been fired, Brandon Weeden was immediately crossed off the list of potential suspects.

“Sorry I’m late, sir. I got soaked in the rain. Feelin’ good about those Buckeyes, though! Got ‘em right where we want ‘em. Total bounce-back game. Now what are these ‘other opportunities’ you wanted to discuss?”

Gatorade Cooler: [sputters, coughs Gatorade] Alright man just keep the headband.

Don’t feel too badfor @ror925. He actually found a better job, scraping barnacles and taking punches to the crotch for nickels down at the wharf.

The fan group elected to drop the ‘Super’ from ‘SuperExtremeSkins’ after their portable iPod speaker burned out.

At least the NFL wasn’t all bad for Martin. He’ll always have his memories of Quadruple American Flag Night at Levi’s Stadium.

It’s been amazing watching Day bloom, much like nature’s onion, right before our very eyes.

I don’t know how Webster did it, but damned if Bryce McKey’s photo isn’t included in the ‘Molester’ footnote of my 1913 unabridged edition.

Pictured: Earth, Wind, Fire & Scrotum.

Looks like he’ll be returning right as the Texans kick their drive to the Super Bowl into high gear.

Alvin Bunerko is one hell of a blogger.