How can you even tell if a sheriff’s deputy is concussed?

Darnold: Shh! Listen! I can hear the ghosts now too.

“We also see dead people.”

-Each of 70,828 paying MetLife attendees

I thought that was just called a “Buffalo Hello”?

or as it’s known in the Orgeron house, laxative.

Before I air my grievances, I’ll lead off with: Fuck Tyson Fury with a barbed wire bat.

Tough to be an MLB pitching coach when you refuse to work with lefties.

You think he is distracted now, wait till he sees the guy that followed her out.

When a tweet comes out wrong

Back to back Cy Young’s doesn’t do it for you?

“His name is Jock Strap King” and “He’s stronger than you think.”

“Oh, so you give HIM a chance to get back on his feet, huh?”

QB: MAY, 19, 68... MAY... 19... 68...

Fan: COMMUNIST MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR

QB: KILL, KILL... [Looks to sidelines, wild-eyed; makes exaggerated shrug]

Offensive Coordinator: [Signals “2" and “0"]

QB: [Nods, returns to snap count] BLUE DOG 2020, BLUE DOOOOG 2020!

CENTER: [Snaps ball]

QB: [Drops back three steps]

[Fakes left]

[Hand…

I suppose it beats getting verbally punched in the dick, over and over, by the Basketball God.

If they rewind the video far enough they will see when Johnny Manziel snuck the jersey into the museum in the first place.

Surely they can ignore the 10 pm curfew if old people are MAKING the noise?

I mean, the least Jeter could have done is left those guys a gift basket.

Severino: [puts down #1 sign]

I am quite positive this exact list exists on a fetish website somewhere as best people to overhear having sex.