Greg Oden: [reads this post]

Good topic of discussion. Some idiots (thank god I'm not one) don't even read the ABV percentage on the package. Those idiots then purchase Dogfish Head 90-minute IPA and think it's in a 4-pack because it's for hipsters or some shit, and then casually drink 3 of them at a steady clip. Then by the time those total…

Thankfully West Point now uses a more truthful recruiting pitch, requiring each prospective cadet to fight robot soldiers using only lasers and computers during their visit.

♫ Golazo, Golahzo,

It's Not Monday Night Football Until Somebody's Pukin'

The coach is right to show concern. Hospital passes have been cutting players down in their prime for years.

Joakim, after sinking the bucket.

Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the machine's self-destruct button was proudly made in Detroit.

It's so easy to get a suit dismissed these days. That's why Jim Irsay wears casual, bedazzled button-downs.

Prosecutor: [drops ball]

nice

@Amareisreal says, "Heck, I'd bathe in human excrement if I thought it'd keep me off the court."

Shep,

That is one inanimate object that's way past its prime. And putting a bow on it to make it more festive is just sad.

Tikis, on the other hand, are traditionally blown out. Buuuut I guess sucking them off could work too, in a pinch.

It's not really fair to say it's your prom night, is it, Boutonniere Bandit? Glad the authorities finally caught you.

NFL players are constantly protein-loading to maintain optimum playing weight, so it's not unheard of for a raw dog to get mixed in with those that have been plumped to league regulations. Not sure about the zest-pack though, those don't really add much flavor in my opinion.

Refreshing to see a redditor who's on his gourd.

Unsuspecting freshman: Hey guys, glad to be aboard. I'd love to learn from the vets, so seniors, can I get your digits?

I suppose getting this special treatment runs in the family. Elway III's mom, for instance, was never brought up on stable trespass or 1st-degree horsefucking charges.