Nocturnal ignitions are always embarrassing.

More senseless discrimination. What were the kids who hate Jesus supposed to write on?

This still cracks me up

We ran out of those exact same stickers at the last orgy I hosted.

Just the same way Payne came into this world: 6'10'' and doing a 360 on the way out.

"Hey man, don't bogart that testament to futility!"

The players maintain they were just retaliating after Tate referred to them as 'those guys that play for the Houston Rockets'.

Pretty lame, especially when you consider #44 is wearing a hastily-repaired Chicago Cubes jersey.

To be fair, that dance was part of a tribute to the American patriot that invented the Nae Nae.

After trying peat moss, Miracle Gro, spraying the bumper with water, smearing mud on the bumper and coating the car in a highly caustic insecticide, the grounds crew finally admitted Maaco might be the best bet.

...

[leaves brief but polite voicemail uninviting John Honeycutt to high tea next week]

On if everyone is available:

Police have alerted citizens to be on the lookout for anyone wearing a desktop PC-sized Casio.

Recipe for Ultimate Brandon Weeden Tribute:

Oh, wow! This is just awesome, everyone. I can't tell you how much this means to me, what with my wife leaving and my kid coming down with an incurable case of—what's that? Oh, my bad.

It's only March and one guy's already rollins over and playing o'possum while the other guy is clearly sandbergin* it.

Looks like the ambulance was driven by virtual Pat Summerall.

Not Pictured: Any evidence that the guy on the left isn't Jim Harbaugh.