Steve Elkington Is Your Dumb Uncle On Twitter

Jamal Crawford + Bachman Turner Overdrive = anything is possible

Don't worry guys, we'll blow everyone out of the water at next year's games.

God: Dude, my new jersey came in! Can you make out the autograph on the back?

"Ouch, my game plan!", remarked coach Spoelstra as he backed away from the outlet in pain, a melted and still smoldering Greg Oden mocking him from the floor.

The kids would like to thank their father, Firedforbeingdisgustingatworker, for the tickets.

Everyone in Canada is going to be massively hung over in the pews tomorrow during Sunday Gravy Worship.

[Madison Rising sit, sullen, around their table at a Daytona Waffle House. The sound of bacon sizzling on the flat top permeates the restaurant, blending with the aroma of the world-renowned cuisine to create the ultimate dining experience. The employee working the waffle iron rips a loud, rank fart...]

Teammates have stopped clubbing with Jesus entirely since figuring out, as I did in high school, that a rusty Montero isn't exactly a babe magnet.

Rice has reportedly dumped Palmer and is now dating a large sack of Yukon Golds that's really more his type.

Yes, OJ. Just like in practice. Yes!

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You'd think Marbury would be sick of this after doing it 36 other times.

Alright everyone, just like we practiced at Mandatory Nationalist Olympic Clapping Camp!

Yeah but I had to include him in my list due to the fact that he is one of the two soccer players I know of.

Football's Greatest Nibblers, Ranked:

Assuming the 'N' stands for 'not legible', it looks like Cherry based his jacket design on my 4th grade report card.

Attention: NFL GM's

Balfour is somewhat proud of his custom vehicle, telling reporters, "I mean it's not exactly like driving an original PT Cruiser, but I'm still okay with it."

Incognito—the son of "a mason and old-school tough guy," according to an ESPN profile...