How the fuck is the only respectable email on there from Montreal?!!!!! Really Canada you are going to let MONTREAL be the voice of reason?

What do you think, should we invite him back?

Friends, my hips have become two bags of sand and I cannot urge the ball into the zone with the velocity of my dreams and the thoughtfulness of my ancestors. I have consulted the priests and they all tell me, yes, Tim, you have ghosts in your bones and your gyrations have angered them. They tell me my haunted bones…

This is a guy who spent the first five years of his career as one of the best pitchers in baseball, and the last three as one of the very worst.

The Wisconsin State Senate—the same legislative body imposing draconian cuts to the state’s University System out of ‘necessity’—had no problem coming up with a quarter of a billion dollars for this boondoggle. As a Wisconsinite, this kind of thing makes me livid. But even if you didn’t grow up here, you should still…

Citizens almost never get to vote on funding stadium construction.

John Wall: [pops champagne]

Just wait until the Thruway Authority gets wind of this, there’ll be an EZ-Pass kiosk every 20 feet.

It’s not SEC Media Days without the Nick Saban airing of grievances. They may not end until someone pins Bret Bielema.

For his next trick, Billy Hamilton will steal second base while hopping on one foot.

So, this rock you’ve clearly been living under... is it in an ice cave on one of Jupiter’s moons?

I think it’d be more effective if they just plugged him in, but what do I know.

I avoid this scenario by not drinking at all, and by obeying the speed limit and generally driving like an asshole. You guys should try it!

Today I learned there’s an Alaska Baseball League. #TheMoreJuneau

Meanwhile, Austin Rivers plays a sad game of 1 on 1, alone, at the gym, wondering why none of the cool kids came to his birthday party and all went to Deandre’s instead even though Dad said there’d be a bouncy house and ice cream cake and everything at Austin’s party.

I’m at DeAndre’s house right now and except for the gun and eighteen sticks of dynamite Steve Ballmer’s holding this whole party is pretty chill.

The feds tend not to care. They feel it is the hospitals responsibility to protect it and they are liable, even if somebody were to illegally hack into their systems from outside.

One day when he unwraps his lunch burrito—slowly and from the top, like the most sensual of strip teases, and for the same purpose of optimizing your long term pleasure; in fact, there’s a strong correlation between the ability to keep a burrito warm with maximum efficiency and the ability to pleasure a woman in the…

Holy HIPAA violation Batman! I know in this day and age we expect to have all information available to us at all times, but tweeting someone’s medical records is pretty serious shit (assuming this is legit). God help the person who did that if the metadata in the file can lead back to them and the hospital is probably…

Nate Silver has just straight up stopped checking his emails and answering his phone.