So the path forward for the Knicks is to tank and draft the best player in college this season, and then surround him with older, veteran players who can teach him the fundamentals of winning basketball, by instituting a rigid system of play. And you’re telling me Porzingis isn’t on board with these Protocols of the…

Thank goodness this naming controversy doesn’t look like it will derail the new gaming console I’m marketing, the PlaeyStation 4.

I’d say this was at least within the spirit of the rules, as Favarin was able to avoid using his hands in the attack.

This just in: three Republican Senators are proposing lowering the capital gains tax to 0%.

Upon learning that Osaka turned into a robot, Japanese anime producers rededicated their commitment to accurately portraying her appearance in future projects.

You make her sound like Guy Fieri.

The rush of excitement that happens in a sports sim when these connections are made is palpable. I was visiting family a few years ago when my aunt mentioned one of my cousins who had been drafted to play pro baseball. I was able to load the previous year’s edition of Out of the Park Baseball and pull up his player…

But that in no way excuses the weekend last year where she murdered that vicar with a sharpened bamboo shoot.

The timeout must have worked, as the Spurs went on a 132-117 run after stopping the Wizards’ momentum.

Next week, read about how adding butter and bacon can pump up the flavor of your vegan meals!

Desperate circumstances like these are the whole reason you stash a few hundred thousand away in the Caymans at tax time.  It’s not Trump’s fault the 99%’s shady accountants have failed them.

People say that this shutdown is destroying them, but Lara Trump knows that people just have to get past their aversion to dipping into capital for a few weeks.

Necco used to produce 8 billion (with a “b”) candy hearts every year, or 100,000 pounds’ worth.

It’s not a real Taco Bell birthday unless that cake was frosted with a caulk gun.

If it weren’t vegetarian, they wouldn’t call it “tossing salad”.

Just leave the ring on the table...it’s not like you’ll need it.

They say the most exciting play in St. Louis baseball is a Yadier Molina triple into the left field corner - most of the excitement comes from seeing if Molina can beat it out for a single.

At least it’s on sale for half price in Double XP’s world.

There’s different levels of “give a shit”, I think. Only the top 3 tiers of league are professional; the fourth is semi-pro, and everything below that are amateur regional leagues run by individual German states. By the time you get down to the 11th division or so, you’re looking at what in America might be city rec…

Thirteenth division, in that part of Germany. If I’m reading this map correctly, the 6th tier league to which Cloppenburg might be relegated is the Landesliga Weser-Ems.