Now they can join the other 11 D League teams already there.

Whoever made the wish that Tucker would miss should be put on giant meteor deflection duties.

Where is Adam Smith when you need him?  

I’d like to enjoy that gold video, but the hand manipulating the slime is way too jerky and intrusive.

Regarding the wisdom of assuming an STD diagnosis means a spouse is cheating, one thing that springs to mind is that while false positive rates on chlamydia are pretty low, they’re not zero, and the easy and cheap nature of the treatment argues against going to the expense of confirming the positive result with a…

I’m still upset most of the foods I like got rid of their fats because they were transgender.

Answer: Breaking will be unable to save its soul, but might possibly save an endangered community center in the effort.

Burneko wouldn’t have had the time; he had a Wizards game to watch that probably ended badly, like with a game winning putback shot with less than a quarter second on the clock that was only available because the only healthy big man on the Wizards roster hadn’t played since the beginning of the third quarter because…

Proximity to Burger King restaurants.

Or....the supermarket?

You will never convince me that this isn’t another of Jordan Peele’s deepfakes.

As someone with a severe peanut allergy, this makes sense to me, as death is preferable to going through life enjoying the taste of candy corn.

Weird.  Machado didn’t even take the time to try to clip Kratz in the head as he scored.  Is he feeling all right?

I don’t know how you obtained a transcript from my after-prom, but please keep my ex-girlfriend’s comments to yourself.  Thank you.

It’s so sad that the Astros traded the one reliever they had who’d beat himself up over this performance for the reliever who’s most likely to beat someone else up over this performance.

He just needs to switch jobs with his brother.

I’m not sure it was strictly necessary for Machado to raise his hand high enough to have a fair-to-decent chance of punching Arcia in the nuts, myself.  Sure, probably not illegal, but pretty assholish, I’d think.

You know, it’s cool to crap on players who let their emotions affect their on-field behavior, but much of this criticism is overblown. Moving your team from a spot that was almost a certain touchdown and forcing them to settle for a field goal is only important in a game that is decided by three points or less.

Can Nathan Petersen choose them for you?  He’s the best when the time comes to pick six.

And in the space of a single half, Moore has become Washington’s most valuable wide receiver this year.