Dear Papa John,

But definitely Manspreading.

I think you just jinxed it.

“We charge extra for special requests.  That’ll be $648,000.”

Maryland alumni: “Oh, crap. What now?....ah. Whew.”

“I don’t understand why these players aren’t simply retracting their heads into their shells before contact to avoid this sort of thing.” - Mitch McConnell

This is ludicrous. Using this logic, Papa John is an actual john. He frequents hookers, and pays women to do disgusting things to hi...

It’s about damn time people started coming back around to legalize ‘roids.  Look, I’m not giving my hard earned cash to sports organizations because I think athletes should enjoy their golden years.  I don’t care if Boots McGrady lives long enough to see his grandchildren; I just want a pennant.  Is that so wrong?  To…

And then put the vegetable crackers in cages.

Doctor Fork’s is a garbage pie made with disgusting ingredients.  It’s like eating white bread covered in ketchup and velveeta.  Also, I don’t even think Doctor Fork is a real doctor.  I heard he got his degree in the Caribbean somewhere.  He might even be a chiropractor.

These charges might even get him disinvited from the East West College Bowl.

I’m sure it’s there because there are so many entities that use either “Fox”, “News”, or “Channel” in the title that have offices in the News Corp. building that encouraging correspondence to add the floor number mitigates any imprecision of address on the mail and helps the mailroom route things correctly. I’m sure…

Maybe the Braves can just ask Gio Gonzalez to plunk Urena and then the Braves can throw at whichever pitcher next hits Juan Soto, Strangers on a Train style.

She coulda had a V8.

The city of Seattle promptly claimed the taco as part of its heritage, like cheesesteaks in Philly or po’boys in New Orleans.

So to simplify, if nine packets would do the job, you’re looking at equal portions sauce packet and salt.

The chart works.  As a 5'10" man, apparently my shorts length should be pants.

Melissa Marie Fox, DOB 12/25/71,

It’s truly remarkable how the Warriors haven’t cut his deadweight ass by now, with his lack of athleticism and all.  Maybe he could play a little in garbage time for the Knicks.  Except maybe not, since that would mean playing all 48 minutes a game.

It’s Butter Tom Cavanaugh!