Too bad that fight wasn’t in The Woodlands, TX.  Ulis would have been untouchable.

Substitute paprika, garlic powder, and dry mustard for the soy and Accent and that’s basically the Miracle Whip dressing my grandma put on fruit salad in the Midwest.

To not be recognized like that....that’s got to be Hanoiing.

I’m willing to accept Vincent Price’s Steak Diane....but I draw the line at Vincent Price’s Steak Amelia, Steak Michelle, and Steak Karen.  At some point a person just has to get suspicious.

You’re right; I meant SWTOR.  Eight classes; eight stories.  Too late to edit now.

Eight standalone stories? Congratulations, Squeenix, you’ve invented KOTOR.

Well, Rex Ryan now wants to masturbate onto your snack food. Yes, that’s gross.

One year, I received a pizza stone and a pizza peel for Christmas, and made a pizza with homemade crust. I failed to put down enough cornmeal for the transfer from peel to stone.

God, I loved those old Thunder teams.

*pulls out notebook of get-rich-quick schemes*

The header image to this article has convinced me to leave Britney alone.

Ernie will probably have to package that pick with someone to get under the tax line, to avoid a year of repeater penalties down the line. Get stoked for 2020 instead.

I kind of feel that the only place Golden State can go from here is just to ratchet up the ring chasing. Oh, Mike Trout has no shot to win with the Angels? Spend a year with the Warriors. Lin-Manuel Miranda tired from chasing the EGOT? Here’s a jersey. Teslas for the entire squad gets you the fifteenth slot on the…

Not to worry. I got grey’ed over it, so nobody ever has to read my shit again.

Christ, everybody knows that Jaren Jackson, Jr.  hasn’t got a prayer of having a HOF-level career until he signs with the Warriors on a below-market deal.

“Naw, man.  The loser label is still there.” - JaVale McGee

The good news is pretty soon it’ll only take one plane crash to restore parity to the NBA.

I’ve watched LeBron’s hairline for ages, and I have to say, that guy does things on the court no 52-year-old should be capable of.

“I mean, I can’t use these paws to turn the dial or anything, but it’s not like I’m actually listening, you know?” - Fluffy

If LeBron is willing to be a water carrier for Lonzo, why should LaVar have a problem with it?