And why shouldn’t he go in? He’s like the Lou Whitaker of shortstops! Only, you know, white.

“Jeter then announced that he was interested in purchasing the Los Angeles Angels, because ‘Mike Trout would look good in pinstripes.’”

Of course no bomb was found. It’s not like it was a Destiny 2: Curse of Osiris tournament.

You use “were” instead of “was” in if clauses where the situation described is unreal. That is to say, “if Joe Flacco wasn’t awful” admits the possibility that Joe Flacco could be anything but awful, but “if Joe Flacco weren’t awful” comforts us with the fact that there was no possible way in this reality that he…

Translation: MLB also expected him to be signed by Seattle and were taken aback when he signed literally anywhere else.

And THAT’s why Santa is supposed to use a chimney, kids.

Odds are about 3:1 that one of the juvenile suspects in this investigation is an Oklahoma state Senator in 15 years.

It seems to me that he probably could have just put that into a tweet instead of a 36 second video.

But enough about Robert Swift’s post-NBA career...

It turns out John Dorsey is 1/32 Native American. Just call him Pocahontas.

Another day, another ethics breach.

The Fibs are a lock to win 0.6180339887 of their games.

That’s silly. Who’s going to watch hockey in Oklahoma City in 20 years?

“These Furkan 76ers just need to make up their Furkan minds! Am I going to the Furkan G-League? Am I going to sit on the Furkan bench in the bigs? Where am I supposed to Furkan play? I’m calling my Furkan agent.”

To be fair, there wasn’t a whole lot of athletic distance between “Tommy Maddox at the height of his physical prowess” and “Tommy Maddox in the throes of partial paralysis”.

If we can’t stop this guy from winning a Senate seat, can we at least bribe the DJ at his election night party to play “Into the Night” by Benny Mardones on autoloop?

Er, um...a highlight truther? <shrug>

Hell, I majored in business and was out of school for about 25 minutes before the school tried to get a cut of my future salary in the form of alumni donations.

I’m bald?

I wish her the best of luck in her campaign and look forward to supporting her as she garners 38% of the vote next year.