He's saving himself for A-Rod's return.

I make 36k a year and my neck hurts and i hate my family

Sorry, that was dumb. Fixed. Thanks.

Before I stopped taking Ambien I:

Easy dude, easy. The author uses three words to describe the drugs Sharper used and two of them refer to Ambien. And I didn't read anything about liquid morphine. Sounds like you could probably use some downers, yourself.

Please

Not surprising, Goldberg was always talking about the squared circle.

+1'd only because you made a point. I was instantly pissed when I read 'Kuala Lumpur'. Don't ever be on my fucking team.

This list is a lie. Trivia is by far the best bar game precisely because it brings out the bad side of good people.

You've never seen the amish, have you

If any ex-NBA scoring champ was going to make it with the Skeeters, Wilt Chamberlain would’ve.

Just curious... Pretty much all of the truck makers have some kind of Texas-themed package they sell down here. "Texas Edition", "Lonestar Edition", etc.

Ed Reed: I had a large sack of money in my car, and now it's gone!

Police have not said whether the bag was a sack with a big dollar sign on it.

The last time $50,000 in bags was left unattended they were found in Philip Seymour Hoffman's apartment.

Give 'er a cummins diesel!

They forgot to mention that it leads to a higher than average occurrence of DJ Screw mixed tapes:

*Interceptions